in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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