It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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