Sry I called you an 8
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
