Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Randomize
