i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
