I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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