At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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