i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
