im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
