The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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