i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
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We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
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I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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