You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
