I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
