i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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