I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
