Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
