chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
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No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
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Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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