I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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