Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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