Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
