Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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