Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
