And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
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He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
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Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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