Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
