GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
