Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
