the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
