Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
