maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
