They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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