Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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