I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
