Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
