Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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