roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
