Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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