is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
