He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
