When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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