Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
