YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
