i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
birth control should be required to get into college
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
