U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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