I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
