My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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