Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he puts the penis in happiness.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Found the puke drawer
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
