At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
