So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
