i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Randomize
