you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
