i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
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you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
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Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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