Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
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This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
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One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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