This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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