chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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