today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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