This dress was meant to end up on your floor
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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