shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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