Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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