Only a mothe r could love this liver
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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