I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
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I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
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It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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