He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
