i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
