I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
