so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
