Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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