i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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