And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
