You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
