the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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