Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
